Spirits use my telephone.
Why won't they leave me alone?
Call me up at 2 a.m.,
then hang up. To hell with them!

They can't get to heaven.
That's why they're still on earth.
They're not good enough for heaven.
That's why they're stuck on earth.
They're running up my phone bill
with their talk about rebirth.

It takes too much ether
to materialize,
but you don't need a body
to talk through the wires.
I think Ma Bell had better get wise,
cause I'm sick of bad spirits
always tying up my phone lines.

Spirits use my telephone.
Why won't they leave me alone?
Call me up at 2 a.m.,
then hang up. To hell with them!